Have you ever had one of those dreams that when you wake in the morning you want to go back to sleep just to finish it? I had one of those this morning. Usually I don’t dream about celebrities–unless they are hot, naked men and possibly on top of me, or under me, or in any type of compromising position–but this dream was awesome…
Ryan Seacrest, fresh from his flight from the United States, stepped off the plane and began his play-by-play as a crowd gathered outside the palace, awaiting the appearance of the newborn royal prince. A parade of celebrities had organized, bearing gifts for the baby.
“First we have Mark Ruffalo and Tom Hanks with their gift of Groucho Marx glasses,” Seacrest announced over the bullhorn.
The crowd cheered as Groucho Marx glasses fell from the sky and Hanks shouted, “This one’s for you, Wilson!”
Next came clowns on stilts and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade’s Tom the Turkey.
“And now, the grand finale!” Seacrest was in hysterics, grabbing his hair and crying like a teenage girl seeing The Beatles for the first time. “Russell Brand!”
Down the street came a gold and black sarcophagus pushed by a drunken Brand, dressed in a suit fit for Johnny Depp’s Willy Wonka.
The sarcophagus stopped in front of the palace. The first layer of the sarcophagus burst apart as the palace doors opened. Through the doors, the figures of the royal family, concealed in shadows, approached. The second, inner shell of Brand’s gift opened, spewing cabbage, Laffy Taffy, and Airheads on the ground. Through the center of the mummy’s stomach burst a Cabbage Patch Doll holding a knife. The royal family appeared at the steps, but the crowd fell silent as Brand picked up the doll. Kicking the spillage of the sarcophagus out of the way, he approached the family and place the doll in baby George’s arms. The crowd erupted in cheers! Brand spun around to pose for the cameras…
…and that’s when I heard my son crying in his crib and woke up.